I've poked some fun at a lot of things so far in this blog. But
it's been done based on some really good
first-hand advice directly from someone in the Match.com trenches who is trying
to find her match: my sister. And I want the best for my sister, and I also
want the best for everyone else out there trying to find someone to spend the
rest of their lives with. So along with the fun in this blog also comes some
serious aspects.
Look, I understand that finding that special someone ain't easy.
It's work. It's effort. And it's subjective. What one person finds hot and
sexy, another person will turn up his or her nose. I get that. We've all been
there. But the one thing I haven't talked about yet that is not subjective is
something that everyone - male or female - really needs to be careful about:
safety. Match.com is a great tool for an introduction to someone you may
otherwise never meet. However, when you look at the big picture, you have to
understand that Match offers two strangers an essentially anonymous way to get
introduced to each other. And with that anonymity comes a lot of questions: Who
is this person really? Can I trust this person? Is this person really a psycho
nut bag? Will this person try to abduct me if we meet up for a coffee?
And those questions are not unreasonable ones to ask. You've heard
about the Craigslist murders. We all have. The Craigslist murders are why
restaurants and police stations have set themselves up as safe meeting spots.
Safety is important. No matter what. Safety is important!
When I asked my sister about this, she told me safety is a huge
priority when considering even getting in touch with someone, whether it's with
a wink, an email, a thumbs up, anything. She has kids, a home, a family, a job
to protect. Safety is a huge priority. As it should be with anyone.
So, in that vein, here're the things she's told me that she always
has an eye for when she's looking at profiles or when someone gets in touch
with her.
1.
Intelligence Alert. Match isn't an English class. We know that.
But if your profile has spelling errors all over it or has bad grammar or
doesn't use appropriate capitalization, then you're immediately tagged with the
thumbs down. A lot of times, poorly written profiles with tons of grammar
errors are indicative that the profile is by a scammer. Why? Because most
scammers are international and don’t speak the native language used in the
profile. And okay, what if the profile is legit and not by a scammer? Then the
impression is that you're just not intelligent or schooled or are just plain
stupid. You may be incredibly intelligent, have a 4.0 GPA, have started three
business, and are a multi-millionaire, but if you use "there" when
you should’ve use "their," then you look like “your” stupid.
How to fix it? Spell check your profile. Get someone else to look at it
and edit it for grammar. Have someone else proof your profile to let you know
it makes sense and to make sure it is grammatically correct. You are putting
yourself out there for others to see ... and for others to judge. Don't blow it
because you spelled a word wrong and it made you look like Gomer Pyle.
2. Scammer Alert #1. Aside from
poor grammar, there are a LOT
of scammer triggers that cue my sister to avoid a profile like it's kryptonite.
For example, a picture of a guy in uniform - military, police, fireman,
security, anything - is an immediate scam trigger especially if the picture of
the dude in uniform is the only one on the profile. HERE’s
an article about this very problem from the Washington Post. Photo scamming of
men in general is an even bigger problem, to the extent that are actually
third-party sites that post often-used scammer profile photos for the safety of
legitimate online dating users. THIS is one from scamdigger.com.
How to fix it? If your profession requires you to where a
uniform and you want to post of pic of yourself in your uniform, great, just then
be sure to post additional pictures of yourself in social situations when
you’re not in uniform. It’s always a good idea for you to post several
pictures of yourself in any online dating profile. Doing so is a sure sign that
you’re a real person and not a scammer.
3. Scammer Alert #2. My
sister’s shown me profiles of guys who talk about how wealthy they are or about
expensive cars they own and expensive trips they’ve taken or the yachts they
have. Yeah, we get it: rich people can be lonely also. But it’s a serious scam
trigger point to talk about your wealth so extensively.
How to fix it? Wealth is not a topic for discussion
outside of the “income” field of your profile. Even if you are wealthy and are
sincerely looking for a match, get that info out of your profile. It’s a scam
trigger. Plain and simple. And if it IS a legitimate profile by someone with
legitimate wealth, then let’s be honest, bragging about your wealth makes you
look like a pretentious, arrogant prick. Get rid of it!
4. Scammer alert #3. Profiles
with no personal data or date preferences are HUGE scam triggers. This is
self-explanatory. If there’s no information in the job, education, interests,
or occupation sections, then move on. Nothing for you to see here. Literally. And
if the profile doesn’t list date preferences or if the preferences are standard
answers or are “no preference,” then move on. Scammer alert.
How to fix it? A real person with a real profile who is
interested in making a real connection will fill out personal data and date
preferences. We all have tastes and likes and dislikes in other people, and
real people with real profiles who are looking for a real connection will fill
in that information.
5. Safety Alert. Don’t give out
any personal information. In a previous post, I mentioned giving a contact a
first name when emailing conversations are in progress. But do that ONLY if you
feel it’s appropriate, safe, and in your best interest. NEVER give out your
last name. NEVER give out your address. NEVER give out your phone number. NEVER
give out your sensitive information. NEVER give money. And if anyone EVER asks
for anything like that, run the other way. Run. Fast. It’s a very serious safety
concern, and your safety should always be priority number one over a coffee
with a stranger at Starbucks who could end up being Jack the Ripper or Eileen
Wuornos reincarnated.
How to fix it? Set up a Google voice account.
It’s free, and it gives you a number you can use exclusively for Match. You can
create a phone number with any area code and then set it up to forward to any
phone number you want. You can even text through it for free. This will keep
your personal phone numbers private. For everything else - address, personal
info, last name, money - just don’t do it. There is no fix for the rest of
those items. If someone asks you for any of that info, don’t give it and
terminate the connection right then. And don’t ever ask someone for that info. This
is your safety and the safety of those around you. And it’s more important than
anything else on Match.com
This post only had the Big 5 tips for
scammer and safety awareness. There’s a lot more information out there, and I
suggest doing a little bit of research on your own. Also, if you know someone
else who is doing the Match thing, then ask him or her for their personal
safety and scammer experiences. This isn’t about thinking like a man or a
woman. This is all about thinking about your safety!
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