Match.com: Wink and Email - What Went Wrong? Part 1

We're jumping to the chase with this one.

Back in March when my sister was visiting, she got a wink from a dude down in Florida where she lives. He winked at her, she checked out his profile - good looking guy, fun username, nice pictures, no psycho nut bag indicators (more on that in another post) - she winked back at him. Ten minutes later, he emailed her to say hey.

And then it went to shit.

And I guarantee you'll never figure out why.

Pictures and names are blurred on purpose. The point of this post isn't what anyone looks like or what the usernames are. It's all about the email conversation.

Okay, so far so good. Notice that my sister sent her name back to the guy (it's blurred out, but it's there). When you're at the point of emailing each other, getting on a first-name basis is a good thing. It means you've gone beyond "trolling interest" and have moved into that unspoken "next step." FIRST NAME ONLY! Don't send a last name as well!

The conversation is going well. No one is jumping the gun and emailing back TOO fast. It's about 10 to 15 minutes between replies. Pretty good. Makes you look like you're engaged but not desperate. And he mentioned his mom. Smart.

Also notice that the guy didn't say his name in his first reply. But he did follow up with his name four minutes later. Hmm. Smart enough to mention his mom but not smart enough to mention his name ... ? But at least he sent it.

The "more" part of my sister's reply was asking how long the guy's lived in Florida. She's expressing an interest in him - it's called having a conversation.

But ... anyone see where he's going wrong? Not yet? Well, he is.

Check out the next bit of conversation.

Yup, the troubles have begun.

The "more" part of my sister's reply was telling the guy that she was visiting us in Herndon, VA, and she asked where in Maryland he lived. And then he replied. And he's really screwing it up now.

Can you see why? I'll bet you a grand any woman can see why! And I'll bet you ten  grand that any man wouldn't have a freaking clue!

I saw what was going on and I told my sister to ditch him. But she's an optimist and wanted to give him a few more shots. But she also decided maybe she'd wait until the AM, especially considering he said he was getting ready for work.

So the next morning, she sent this out.

She didn't send it too early. Around 10:30. Wasn't like she was up at the crack of dawn trying to bug this guy. But she wanted to follow up and wish him a good day. Nice gesture. Not sure if I woulda done that, but still a nice gesture.

The "more" was her saying she's enjoying the chilly morning up here in VA. Then she asked him what brought him down to Florida. And she knew he would be at work and not likely able to reply right away, so she wasn't put off when it took him until after 5 that evening to write back.

We were at dinner when she got this message. She has the Match app on her phone and it notifies her when she gets a wink or a message. So the phone dinged at dinner to let her know the guy emailed back.

And still, he's blowing it. Big time.

Know how?

No? 

Didn't think so.

Last bit of conversation.

And that was all she wrote. Literally. She was done at this point. And if she wasn't done, I was gonna take her phone away from her so she would stop trying for this guy. It was a waste.

And you still don't know why ... do  you?

And I'm not telling you yet. I'm gonna let you sit and figure it out. Hell, I'm a dude and I figured it out while it was happening, so figure it out for yourself. Email me your guesses or leave them in the comments. 

I'll post the answer next week, and I guarantee the answer will help you to think like a woman!!!

Match.com: Really Messed Up Usernames!!

My sister texted these pictures to me to share with y'all. And here's proof of how a username will blow every chance you'll ever get with a woman. Read 'em and weep (or laugh).

I blurred out the faces and city/state to protect the stupid idiots freaks losers innocent.

That's a real username by a real person with a real account on Match.com. Yeah, sure, laugh at him. Because that's the only action he's gonna get!!!

Holy crap. Serious? No, really, serious?? Would you go out with a woman named "bakeract0751"? HELL NO you wouldn't!! So what the HELL makes you think a woman would go out with a man named "bakeract0571"???

Don't know what the Baker Act is? Click here and find out. Trust me. It ain't good!! (And before you ask me, the answer is yes, the dude is in Florida.)

With idiots like those two out there, it's no wonder women think they're the smarter gender.

Match.com: Pick the Right Pic!

All right, guys. Which looks better to you? This ...

Or this ... ?

This ...

Or this ... ?

Yeah, okay. Get off your high horse. You know you prefer the skinny babes.

Sounds harsh? Yeah, you better believe it. Match.com is a meat market, people. And you best be honest and admit that if you saw the ladies in the first and third pictures above in a profile, you'd be making fun of it, pointing and laughing, blasting the woman, and moving on. Unless big and beautiful is your thing, then you need to admit that you're as shallow as the next guy.

Next test.

Which do you think a WOMAN would prefer? This ...

Or this ... ?

This ...

Or this ... ?

REALITY CHECK!! WOMEN ARE JUST AS SHALLOW AS MEN!!!

Look, it doesn't take much imagination to realize that. Match.com is a meat market for men AND for women.

So here's the deal. My sister cruised through a ton of guy's profiles on Match.com, showed me their pictures, and pointed and laughed at what these guys posted. Dudes showing pictures of themselves shirtless, in bathing suits, or flexing. And these are dudes who should NOT be showing pictures of themselves shirtless, in bathing suits, or flexing.

Hey, if you don't look like Daniel Craig on the beach coming out of the water in "Casino Royale," then don't post those pictures!

Here're a few things my sister said about pictures.

1.
Post something other than selfies. 
In this day and age, if the only pictures you post on your profile are selfies of you posing in front of your bathroom mirror, then you need to know that you look like a friendless loser. Have someone take pictures of you at family gatherings or out at dinner. Get in touch with family and friends and have them send their favorite pictures of you. Have co-workers take candid pictures of you at the office or while you're giving a presentation or during a speech. Make this a joint effort. You're trying to find your match! Take some effort and put some thought into it!

2.
PLEASE add captions to your images!!
Let people know what was going on in the picture. Don't write a book about the shot. Just add two lines that say what was going on and when it was. Say something about it being your dream vacation, about the person in the shot being your best friend of 15 years, the name of your dog, that the woman in the shot is your sister, that the volunteering effort in the picture is one of the most rewarding experiences you've ever had. It's called context, and that kind of information will draw a viewer in to what's going on and it WILL make a person more interested in you!

3.
Don't have pictures of you with other women in there unless it has a caption that says who the woman is!
My sister was TOTALLY turned off by the pictures of guys that also included a woman in the shot. The first assumption is that the woman is an ex-girlfriend or an ex-wife or, even worse, a CURRENT girlfriend or a CURRENT wife. Use the caption utility when you upload the picture and identify who the woman is!!

4.
Get a grip and stop posting scenery, landscape, and vacation pictures!
Pictures like that are pretentious and arrogant. They say, "Look at all of the places I've been and all of the things I've done and all of the money I had to do it and you would be so lucky to get me." And women look at the pictures and think, "Look at that arrogant bastard! Who cares if you've been to the Great Wall AND the Leaning Tower AND the Grand Canyon AND the Palace of Versailles AND give me a break!! NEXT!" One or two vacation pictures is sufficient. And add a caption to it that tells where and when. And for God's sake, don't post scenery shots! If women want to look at scenery, then they can go outside or Google it. She's on your profile to look at YOU, not a rainbow.

5.
Post lifestyle pictures!
Lifestyle pictures are the ones of you with friends, family, your dog, at dinner, at work, volunteering - the ones that show you UNPOSED in a real situation. Natural, laughing, enjoying yourself, doing something that you're passionate about, something that you care about. That kind of picture speaks volumes about your character more than a shirtless wannabe selfie ever could!

6.
Smile!
Smiling makes a person look younger, more appealing, puts the viewer in a good mood, draws the viewer in, and makes the viewer happy. A person smiling in a picture is intriguing and brings good vibes.

7.
Shirtless pictures are a let down.
Believe it or not, the BIG thing that my sister said was that guys who show shirtless pictures of themselves actually are a huge let down because it takes away all the mystery and surprise. Look, hold a few things close to your chest (pun intended). Keep your shirt on and allow it to be a surprise when things get a little hotter on down the line.

8.
Explain the picture!
If you feel you need to post a shirtless picture, then explain it. Nobody out there looks like Taylor Lautner. But if you've lost 150 pounds in the past year and you wanna show it off, then put that in the caption. If you gained 10 pounds of muscle in the past 6 months, then put that in the caption. If you're training for a triathlon and you're in the best shape of your life, then put that in the caption. If you're a swimmer and are trying out for the regional swim meet, then put that in the caption. ANY of those reasons shows something about your character - something that does NOT say "arrogant and self-absorbed."

Remember, when you post pictures to your profile, you gotta realize that a woman is going to react to your pictures the SAME way that you react to a woman's pictures. So be smart about it and think like a woman!!!

Match.com: Your Username Sucks!!!

You're trolling through your daily matches, right? You see the username "HotMama4U" and "BootyBoombastic317" and "AllAboutTheBase411." Whoa! Hell to the yeah, right?!?!?

Uh, hell no.

Come on. You see something like that in a woman's username, you know it ain't gonna be good. It's definitely not gonna be anything that turns into a relationship. And it's likely it's gonna end up with a prescription for antibiotics. Unless, you know, that's what you're trolling for. So when you see "BootyBombastic317" in a username, you basically know what you're gonna get: a bangin' good time for one night and herpes for the rest of your life. It's the match that keeps on giving. But if that's what you want, then more power to ya!

But women aren't like that. They're not gonna see "MasterBlaster69" and think, "Now there's the man I wanna spend the rest of my life with!" And they're not even gonna wanna spend a NIGHT with you! And let's be serious, from the non-scientific research I've done, women are on Match looking for a relationship - not a one-night bang.

My sister's given me the inside scoop on Match and the daily matches she's trolled through. She showed the usernames to me, and lemme tell ya, some of y'all are pathetic. Okay, let's be brutal - MOST of y'all are pathetic! And that's an amazing thing to me because aside from a profile picture, the username is your first introduction to another woman, to a potential date, to a potential wife. Is that really how you want your first intro to be?? Would you walk up to a woman in a bar and say, "Hey there, I'm BigOne69. What's your name?" Uh, NO! So why would you do it on Match.com?? Get real.

My sister's said she can't count the number of times she's trashed a daily match or a wink or an email  from a dude because the username immediately turn her off. Didn't care about the picture. Didn't look at the profile. Didn't care, period. Her reasoning? If you have a nasty, stupid, suggestive, demeaning, degrading, or inappropriate username, then you have no self-respect and you definitely have no mutual respect. You can't respect yourself, you sure as hell ain't gonna respect someone else.

So there you have it.

Change your pathetic username!!!

Now you're asking, "Change it to what? It took me 3 minutes to come up with 'BigOne69.' How'm I ever gonna come up with a better one?!?" Here're some ideas from my sister.

1.
Be fun.

You don't have to be "funny," but try and be "fun." Yeah, there's a difference. Don't try to make someone laugh out loud. That ain't gonna happen with a username. But you can make someone smile. Be clever, be cloy, be playful, be POSITIVE. And the easiest way to do that is to make a play on your interests or your name or even on your career.

2.
Don't use your real name.

This is for your personal safety as well as to retain a bit of mystery. You never want to reveal your real name this early in the game. Can you say, "Basic Instinct"? Come on, don't use your real name.

3.
Come up with several options.

Generally speaking, once you come up with one option, you'll be able to bang out a couple more. Here's a good website that will help you brainstorm some really good options.

http://www.edatingdoc.com/online-dating-username/

The guy who wrote that article has some great advice. DO WHAT HE SAYS!!

And look, spend some time on this. You're dropping your hard-earned cash on a Match.com account. That means you can take 15 to 20 minutes out of your life to come up with a good username!

Then once you come up with 3 or 4 of your best options, show them to some friends. And YES, that means showing them to some women. Your mom, your sister, your best bud's wife, a co-worker, or - even better - a woman who is single! Don't toss your best example at a fellow dude to see what he thinks of it. That's like asking Mormon to tell you which wine pairs best with a rib eye. It's a disaster waiting to happen. Ask a woman! A single woman! You're gonna get better feedback from a single woman because that's your target audience. And be ready for the brutal responses - and DON'T be an ass when they give you feedback! Try and incorporate what they've said, and at the least, say thanks!

The only way you're gonna come up with a good username is if you start to think like a woman!!